I am a failure. At everything. Just thought I would throw that out there.
I decided this as I was sitting across the table from my husband who was picking and poking at the dinner I just spent hours making for him. I sat, I stared, I tasted, and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what I did wrong. The sight of him struggling to swallow made me lose my own appetite. I stood and grabbed both our plates and scraped off the perfectly good BBQ pulled pork, mashed potatoes and corn into the trash. I then ran up the stairs to my bedroom to have a mini meltdown. It felt great after days of failed dinners.
Dinner is not the only thing I fail at. The only thing I have accomplished is living 22 and a half years and giving birth to a beautiful baby girl. I still can’t figure out how to cook, clean, organize, be healthy, be crafty, or stick with a project/ hobby or sport. I literally have no interests that I should be proud of. Spending money, sitting on the internet and eating chocolate doesn’t exactly qualify as “talents”. Although this all sounds pretty depressing, I have to include that I am, in fact a pretty good mother. And before I was a mother I like to think I was pretty good at my job. But I gladly traded life as a working woman for a life as a stay at home wife and mother. But I don’t find it a sin to want to be good at more things than that. Everyone I know has at least a few things they like to do or that they are good at.
Here’s a little secret. I love meeting new people. But the moment they ask me “so, what do you do?” or “what are some of your hobbies?” I PANIC. The answer is usually something half truthful and most of the time my answer awkwardly trails off. It’s pathetic.
So, after this whole sad sob story, all I want is to announce to all you people who are brilliant, all you people who feel the same as I, that I will not tolerate this nonsense any longer. My promenade to a better life starts now. I am going to try anything and everything! And if I fail I will at least be able to say I tried.
Step #1: Figure out where I want to start first. Wish me luck.
That is all for now.
- J
